Meet my alter ego... "Near Miss"

Have you ever had one of those days where you should probably have just stayed home? But you didn't and weird, possibly bad, things happened and now you have a kick-ass story and an even more kick-ass nickname? I have!

When you hike the Appalachian Trail along the east coast, or any long trail for that matter, you are given a trail name. You can make one up, or earn one by doing something (read: something really stupid). Or you can do what I did and give yourself one for doing something stupid. My trail name is Near Miss, for all those times I nearly missed dying while enjoying the great outdoors.

Maybe I gained the nickname after I accidently scared a bear that was sleeping up in a tall pine tree, causing it to come sliding down the tree, fireman-style, land a few feet from me and run off into the woods.

Scared a bear outta a tree!

Or was it from all those times where I was too busy sight-seeing while driving, only to have my best friend R calmly say "Um.... road?" as we were veering off towards a rock wall, or worse, NO WALL between us and the valley far far below.

Maybe it was the time the ginormous Yellowstone bison decided to bluff charge my tiny Honda Civic. The bison would have won, making my little zoom-zoom car its bitch in the process.

Wyoming-sized bison vs. college-sized car

Actually, the crowning Near Miss moment came on a day when my friend C and I went hiking. A day that we should have probably just stayed home, but then we wouldn't have this awesome story!...


It all began when C and I picked the 3rd highest peak in the park to hike that day. We'd found a nice 7-mile loop that would knock off another 4 miles of Appalachian Trail in my book. The day was sunny and clear, no rain predicted, and we were ready to hike!

The first 3 miles were great! Hiked through the woods, played in the river, then to some old cabins and hunting for berries. As we were hiking out of the valley, we noticed it was getting darker. Clouds were coming and it looked like rain. I'd hiked in the rain before and its not always a bad thing, in fact, it can be quite pleasant if you are prepared for it. We hiked a mile up out of the valley, discussing the weather and what we should do. By then, we had already made it to the Appalachian Trail, which would take us 3 miles back to the car. So this being the shortest route and still no rain, we continued on.

The 3 miles of AT that we were about to hike down were along the ridge of the 3rd highest peak in the park, surrounded by valleys on all sides. As we looked out the eastern edge towards Washington DC, we saw some storm clouds off in the distance. We heard some thunder far off.  No biggie... plenty of time to make it 3 miles and 1500 feet down to the car. We continued walking.

I didn't really start worrying about the thunder until one clap stopped both C and I dead in our tracks. I'm a huge worrier... thanks to my dad. (see this blog and blame him!) This clap came from the west and it was close! Suddenly we were surrounded by thundering clouds! I began to walk a bit faster, although my asthma had flared up due to the steep climb out of the valley and the horrible air quality in the Appalachians. I asked C, a veteran outdoorswoman, what we do if we are caught in a storm. "Duck and cover" didn't quite seem appropriate and not hiding under the tallest tree wasn't a concern... in fact, there were NO tall trees up here. Just short stubby bushes with us standing tall amongst them.

C, Me, Bushes, Clouds and Lightning.  No bueno...

C suggested when the time came, we should crouch down, yoga-commando style, on one foot, the other balanced on the shoe of the first, hands over head, in a ball. But, she said, it wasn't time yet. We needed to get further down the mountain. We began walking very fast as the winds picked up, fat drops of rain began to fall, and the warring thundering clouds moved overhead and combined into one massive angry storm!

About the time we saw the first lightning bolt hit the ground not far away, C and I took off into a run. Now if you know me, you know I DON'T run! Asthma, remember? Well, adrenaline will allow your body to do amazing things. We ran down the entrenched trail that had quickly become a river. We hopped out of the Appalachian Trail River to run beside it, dodging tree limbs and leaping over boulders in our hurry to get the hell off the mountain. I kept yelling behind me "Now? Time to crouch now?!" C kept yelling "No, Keep Running!" and so I kept running in the now pouring rain as lightning crashed around us.

At some point, a bear joined us on the trail. I don't know if it was the storm or us yelling every time the lightning crashed that scared him but he bounded out of the bushes just in front of me. Normally I would have stopped and let him get away from us but there was no way I was stopping now. We ran behind that bear for 10 minutes or so before he turned into the bushes and away from the trail. That poor bear probably thought we were chasing him!

Eventually we made it all the way down the mountain. Still pouring rain, still raining electricity, still thundering angry clouds. We came to a stop just short of a clearing. Beyond the clearing, 80 yards or so, was my car. Salvation was so close! However, remember how they say you shouldn't stand in a meadow in a lightning storm? So there C and I are, dripping wet, panting and scared, debating over whether to stay in the cover of forest and wait it out or make a run for it. I was all for making a run for it. C was sticking with me. I readied myself with my car keys in my hand and we took off.

Visualize, if you will, all those Vietnam war movies where the men come charging out of the jungle, screaming, the look of war and terror in their eyes. That's what we looked like... soaking wet, seen some action, screaming as we broke free of the sheltering trees! We hauled ass across the field and the street, wrestled with the lock and safely made it into the car. We sat there for many minutes, watching the storm rage around us, trying to catch our breath and piece together these last 4 miles.

This story isn't over yet...
As we sat there, I noticed a strange pounding feeling on my toes. I pulled my soaking boots and socks off to relieve the pressure. After driving 10 miles back to the cabin, my toes were really sore and my toenails were upraised and blue. Weird right? Well, I had on blue nail polish but after removing the polish, the bluish color remained! Within days both of my big toe nails had fallen off, sacrificed to either the hiking or lightning gods. The sacrifice must have worked, I haven't been chased off a mountain by lightning bolts since!

P.S. my toenails grew back great, in spite of what the doctor and C predicted.