The Inner Secrets of Tamales

Last month I went back to Houston for a friend's wedding and to visit my family. While I was there, mom and I decided to try tamale-making for a second time. I've been perfecting the art of tamales here in El P with my best friend A. Mom has only made tamales one other time and we deemed it a 'learning experience".

Now I wanted to try some new recipes because I've been asked to give a cooking class for the Vegetarian Society of El Paso focusing on vegan tamales. Some of you might be thinking "what the F--- are vegan tamales!?" while others may be wondering "what the F are tamales?!" Tamales are amazing Latin American comfort foods! Anything you desire can be mixed with cornmeal and wrapped in a corn husk (recycling!) for steaming. I didn't truly understand the desire for tamales until I was almost 30, but for the last 4 years I've been a tamale-eating machine. I've even bought tamales out of the trunk of an old Mexican lady's car in a supermarket parking lot in Joshua Tree, CA. True Story...

This is my chosen tamale-making guide. I love it!

So I decided that I should document the process along the way to help me with my cooking class this coming spring... and if I can kill 2 birds by also blogging about it, rock on!




First you need to let the cornhusks soak for a bit, say 30 minutes. Don't buy cornhusks from your local English-speaking grocery. Head over to the nearest Spanish-speaking market and pick up all your ingredients.






Cooking our ingredients...



Roasting some green chiles...





Most recipes will call for lard but I'm using Crisco to keep these guys vegan.  Ask me sometime about my mother dropping this huge heavy Crisco can on my little girl toes. Only one nail came off and I forgave her once I was able to walk without a limp again. I relive this moment every time I pick up a Crisco can. :-) Hi mom!

Now I forgot to take a picture of the masa we were using. Masa is the cornmeal used for all tamales. Again, Spanish-speaking grocery (la tienda), not English-speaking grocery. I guess you could make your masa from scratch but really... what decade is this?! I'm cool with store-bought masa.


Mix the veggies and chopped green
chiles, simmer and let cool

Whipped shortening looks like
whipped cream but tastes terrible!



You'll also need a large steamer for steaming - in El P we use A's big turkey roaster. It is perfect! Alas, in Houston we had to create our own thing. Introducing the recycled tamale steamer! We needed to make a space between the water at the bottom of the pan and our little roaster thing (not seen).



Nothing says "Texas" like a football
Dr Pepper can... and nothing says "Kristi"
like a Pepsi can.



 Alright, now we assemble the tamales...

Spreading masa onto open corn husk. I use a spatula
because they're bendy.

 

Cheese or vegan cheese - it goes on top of your veggies

 

 

There are many ways to roll but I chose this one for my
vegan tamales. Even added a little bow to hold the thing closed.

 

And if a bow doesn't work, say Fuck It! and
use ye ole traditional rubber bands.

Here's mom rolling her tamales. Did I mention that this
is a group activity? Making tamales solo would require way
too much wine and boredom. Get some friends or relatives
and have a tamale-making day!

Except for grandma.. grandmas doesn't do
tamales. She's never even had a tamale. In her
defense, she's German. I bet there's a
saurkraut tamale out there somewhere.

 

Stand the tamales upright in the steamer
so they don't spill out...

The cans are doing their job!

 We also decided to try some dessert tamales... I've got dark chocolate tamales in my freezer right now and they are amazing! However, on this day we tried pineapple for my dad who loves all things tropical.

We followed the recipe but the filling was very soupy.
On the bright side, it was pretty good to eat out of the bowl!

We decided to pour the tamale soup into a pie dish and bake
it like cornbread. It was super tasty! Even grandma tried it.

 

Once your tamales are out of the steamer (1 hr-ish), bag them up in freezer bags and freeze them overnight. They will last a very long time in the freezer and are great for work lunches. Just be sure to label the bags as frozen tamales offer no secrets to their contents.

 

Labeling is important!

 

FYI - Did you know that Tamale is also a town in Ghana? The internet is amazing!

 

For more info on tamales, or to really mess with some facts, visit their Wikipedia page

 

8 Superbly Easy Ways to Go Green... in Case You Weren't Already

So "green" has been around for more than a decade now. I really think there is no excuse for not developing your environmental ethics. (um, before we go further, let's address the fact that I drive an SUV. Yes, I do drive an SUV. I also spent 7 years walking to work every day, carpooling to town/trailheads on weekends, plus I'm a park ranger. It doesn't get any greener than that.)

Let us begin...


1. Solar Mio The sun is free... until some capitalist pig figures out how to charge you for it. It'll happen...

So I don't ski... but I did share my free solar juice with
an Incan shaman who only spoke Quechua but had an iPod.
Small world....

This is a most awesome device. A portable solar panel that is lightweight enough to strap to my backpack as I trekked across the Inca Trail. I needed some power for my iPod and this was the perfect thing! Its also the perfect thing to keep a GPS juiced up all day in the desert as you hike along. I figure if I'm living in "Sun City" I may as well take advantage of all the free power.


2. The Solar Mio is awesome and lightweight but wouldn't charge my smartphone. So my dad presented me with the Fuse from Voltaic. This solar charger doesn't fuck around. It can charge my iPhone, GPS, iPod, some can even charge my computer (with an adapter). Its kinda large so I wouldn't take it backpacking, but it does travel with me frequently on car camping trips.

Let the sun shine...

Both solar chargers are permanently set out on my porch so they are always ready to go.


3. Another awesome thing about living in the desert besides free sun? Free laundry drying! As long as there isn't a dust storm, a clothes drying rack is the way to go for laundry day.

Not only can you buy one at almost any grocery or big box store, but they are cheap! In El Paso's arid environment, I can have dry clothes (unshrunk) in an hour. There's no electricity cost and no heat build-up that my air conditioner needs to fight against. Perfect!

If you don't wanna buy one, get creative. I once strung climbing rope between two trees in the backyard - using what I had on hand.


4. Freecycle.... you've heard of Craigslist and you've heard of recycling. Freecycle is the bad-ass bastard child of the two! People post their random crap (and non-crap) that they want to get rid of. Someone else reads that post and says "Hey! I could use that crap!" and off they go. I've given away christmas decorations and cds. I've gotten old VHS tapes and those big glass pickle jars.

Basically if you have a pile of buttons, wine corks, or carpet pieces - someone wants those. Its better than it ending up in the trash. You can find some seriously good stuff. Lots of freecycling baby clothes, unopened cans of food, furniture, etc. It rocks and you will rock if you sign up.


5. Yard sales, tag sales, garage sales.... call it what you want, I call it cheap and recycling! I've sold lots of stuff at these sales and I think all of my clothes as a baby and child came from someone's yard sale in Galveston.. Go mom!


6. Thrift stores - corporate garage sales. They rock and you can find the most amazing stuff at them. Instead of sporting that shirt that everyone can buy at their local Target or Neiman Marcus, go for a truly one-of-a-kind item. After all, you are one-of-a-kind!


7. Eat less meat and animal products. Seriously. The factory farming of animals not only uses up food crops that we could be eating but it also uses petroleum products in the shipping and maintaining of all of these animals... millions of tons of animals are shipped each week. (Suddenly my SUV isn't so bad, now is it?) I won't even mention cow farts and methane gas....

8. Grow your own food. Gardening is great for your health, your stress levels, your wallet, and the environment. Start with something small, like a windowsill Chia Herb Garden. My mom had one of these and they grew easily and abundantly.






Now, dear internet, its your turn. I want to hear about your easy, cheap, or DIY green ideas and actions. We can all learn from each other.

Green Ethics; Black Thumbs - Part 2

A few months back I wrote a post about my adventures in patio gardening... This is an update on all of the seedlings that I so hopefully sowed.



The clothespin tells me what is planted in each pot.
Helps me know what died before it sprouted.



I started seeing my seedlings from the second round of seeds almost a month after planting. They spent some time in my living room each day in June. (June in El Paso is the HOTTEST, DRIEST month ever!) You can see a few sticking up (the light spots on the dirt) and a leftover seedling from the previous round ( yellow pot with sad looking plant). I figured I had planted too deeply so I carefully exposed a lot of the tiny leaves from beneath the soil.

From the previous round of seeds, the one to survive, and even thrive, was my lovely Genovese Basil. Packed with spicy flavor and prolific! This plant has supplied me with basily-goodness for several months. Upon my discovery of Vegenaise (YUMMMY!), I began eating tomato-avocado-basil sandwiches weekly. This basil served me well during the hot hot months of summer.

Green!

Ahhh, morning coffee with the plants

I spent a few lovely, non-hot mornings sitting on the porch, soaking in my green patio. The basil is doing great, the lemon tree is photo-bombing from the left, and the basil seedlings are sprouting. I placed them close to the larger successful basil to give them something to aspire to. :-)

The aspiration technique seemed to be working. For several months in the heat of summer, these guys grew and grew.

This yellow pot basil was one of the ones that I had to uncover. It seemed so very grateful and as soon as it got some sun, it grew like crazy!

Here it is only a week later, nestled in with some cilantro. We know my history with cilantro but I never seem to learn. Never Give Up! I stacked the pots because my patio is small but it also served to help retain moisture and made it easier to move everything around to follow the sun.



The little sage plants never did come up. Sage definitely doesn't like the heat. They seemed to wilt beneath the surface. I think I'm still watering them in hopes of a random fall growth spurt.








So to recount - cilantro dies, sage doesn't like heat, Genovese Basil is the shit and grows well, and the lemon tree is hanging in there.

The sad news is that last week we had a wind storm that knocked over my table, breaking my pretty yellow pots in the process. I was able to transplant the basils and they are possibly rallying. I guess their condition should be listed as "stable". The big awesome basil has reached its peak and is now winding down. The base of the stems are browning but new little leaves are still appearing. I'm not sure how much longer that guy will be around.

I'm thinking of fall crops now... spinach, more basil, more sage, possibly cilantro (see, I'll never learn) Any other ideas?

Also, its that time of the year when the hummingbirds are starting to fly by again. I need to get my feeder out and attract these great little guys. I so miss the hummingbirds that were a part of every morning in the Sonoran Desert. Maybe what I need is an ocotillo? They love those.

A List of Random Things You May or May Not Know About Me

• I only need about 10 minutes of Justified-watching before my southern accent comes on thicker than cold molasses.
• Speaking of Timothy Olyphant, can we all just agree that he should only ever wear a wife-beater (look it up!) or appear shirtless?
• If I were a water-molecule on a highway, I'd prefer to be run-over by an AquaTread tire.... the idea of shooting down the middle tread like a flume sounds fun.
• I've been named the VOOP... the official Voice-Of-Organ-Pipe. Call Organ Pipe Cactus NM and listen to the voice on the phone tree. That's me!
• My toes are double-jointed..... freaked out my parents when I was young.
• I love those gross late-night surgery shows that are on Discovery Health.
• I guess you've already read how I have an odd belief that bodies are going to float up beneath me when I'm sitting in a body of water. No? Read it here....
• The first bottle of wine I ever opened was tough to get into but I managed to work the corkscrew. Upon showing my parents the fruits of my labor, they laughed and pointed out that it was a screw-top bottle....
• I love period-films but anything involving amputation scenes is unacceptable.
• Severe Roach Phobia
• I enjoy crosswords mainly because it involves placing letters in tiny neatly arranged boxes
• I can't stand to watch, or be watched, people brushing their teeth. The beginning of Stranger Than Fiction was tough for me.
• If I ever have a child, I want it to be a girl so I can name her after my grandma. Little baby Evelyn... I'm sure I'll regret my desire as soon as she hits her pre-teens.
• One year for Christmas I gave my father a box of bat-shit... he's a gardener.
• And then one birthday, I received my father's ponytail in the mail.
• I was a twirler... and was offered a scholarship for it.
• I'm the first born in my family  



my 1st birthday

• My favorite time of the year is Fall. I love the changing colors on the trees and plants; I love the crisp fall air; I love baking fall treats.
• I broke my foot but demanded a walking cast only because I was planning to visit Big Bend NP and wanted to be able to hike.
• I've recently discovered that most of my travels are to the same places as my grandparents. Very odd...
• I took, and taught, photography in college.
• I busted my tooth on my swingset in elementary school

see the pull-up bar on the left...
it will forever have a dent from my tooth!

• I love architecture!
• I've been vegetarian for many years and am embarking on veganism.
• I was the last of 4 grandchildren to get a tattoo.
• I was pretty terrified of everything as a child. Sometime in high school that all changed and my life of adventure began.
• I've taken road trips my entire life; with my family as a child and with friends, or alone, as an adult.
• I've used the excuse "but I'm from out of town" several times after driving the wrong way down a one-way road.
• I'm named after my mother's maiden name, and I share my middle name with her.
• There are 2 people in my family with my exact name - first and last - and spelled exactly the same.
• I have never mowed a lawn... and i hope that will remain true forever.
• I have eaten lichen.
• I've also eaten guinea pig, snails, and frog legs.
• I developed a pork allergy from a tick in the Appalachian Mountains. True story.
• I wish someone would invent some type of garbage disposal for the shower drain. Someone with long hair - go! Invent! Become a millionaire!
• My favorite movie is 50 First Dates.... followed closely by Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I think its partly because Hawaii is so relaxing, and partly because I'm a mushy romantic at heart.
• I have a huge girl-crush on Pink.

Alright, I feel like this post is becoming an exercise in narcissim, but please excuse me because I'm sick and bored on my couch.

Stalking the Wildest Asparagus

This'll be a really short post. Just wanted to tell you internet folk about the time that C and I went in search of wild asparagus.

I guess it started my first year of working at Capitol Reef, when we got so very used to picking our own fruit off the freaking amazing orchards. This park likes to keep it a bit quiet but growing among the canyon walls are acres of apples, peaches, pears, quinces, mulberries, cherries, and apricots.

How easy the ranger makes it look!

We had so much fruit we had potlucks with all-fruit themes. So much fruit the deer were fat and happy. So much fruit that the orchard furrows literally run with apricot brandy (fermented apricot juice). So much fruit that the campground raccoons spent their nights rolling around the grounds, drunk on apricot brandy, drunkenly running into traffic!

So, the second season we were there, I guess we got a little cocky and went in search of the non-NPS sanctioned wild asparagus. A co-worker told us what area to look in, and with the advice "you'll know asparagus when you see asparagus", off we went.

Stalking the Wild Asparagus!

We walked a mile or so to the alleged asparagus location. It was an impromptu walk so I was in flip flops with no water, in the desert, in May. (Read: hot, uncomfortable, and a bit buggy). C and I wandered into an orchard that we'd never explored and split up, stalking for stalks.

Bolstered by our desire for amazing fresh (free) asparagus for dinner, we combed every inch of the weedy furrowed landscape. After 30 minutes or so, C found what she thought was the asparagus and called me over to consult. Since we should have known it when we saw it, I thought we should keep looking since we didn't know what this was and only the wildest guessing was taking place. However, an hour later, seeing no other asparagus-esque foliage, we headed back to the original suspect and began the harvest.

We probably should have guessed that since it was 3 feet tall and brushy, it was a few years old. But, cocky and hungry, we tugged the thing out of the ground and walked home.

yummmmy, just like store-bought asparagus

After rinsing sand and grit off our crop, C "prepared" the stalks, which included sawing, yes sawing, the things down so they'd fit into the stock pot. Another clue that things weren't right in asparagus-hunting world. Some of the asparagus was simply too tough to saw so we resorted to chewing it, and to general shenanigans. (Famous for our shenanigans, see our 70s party, or stay tuned for our international adventures)

All good asparagus needs to be gnawed on, right?

We managed to get a few measily stalks into our pot, steam them, and sit down for a lovely toddler-tall asparagus dinner. Perfect... yeah right. What really happened was we steamed the crap outta them hoping they'd soften up and after an hour, we were so invested in making this work that we vowed to eat them any damn way we could.

Here's the mental image I want you to create: C and I sitting at the kitchen table, gnawing on brushy tough steamed asparagus lightly seared with garlic and olive oil. We sucked as much asparagus-ness out of each stem before spitting the husks (they can only be described as "husks") into the trash can. We spent the meal laughing at how ridiculous we, and the situation, were.

It was not a very filling meal, but it was free and we did it all by ourselves.

The next day we learned that our asparagus was possibly several years old, nobody could believe that we'd messed it up that bad, and the good week-old asparagus was in the DITCH next to the orchard. Thank you, coworkers, for leaving out that tidbit....

Where was YouTube when we needed it!

Running Away to the Mountains

I had a quick 3-days off last weekend and decided  I needed to run away to the mountains. I used to run away every weekend, driving until I was tired and then sleeping in the back on my car. (Learned that from a close friend who shares my name.) Now, I have responsibilities... named Lennox and Chicory.... and can't run away last minute all the time.

I aimed my car east and headed 2 hours to Guadalupe Mountains National Park. Guadalupe Peak is the highest peak in Texas and visible for an hour or two away. The peak is located in an ancient underwater reef system that is responsible to world-class fossils and world-class caves. Carlsbad Caverns is also in this reef. The Guadalupes rise straight up out of the flat desert ground, creating a most amazing view from far down the highway.

One hour away and already taking my breath away

To the west of the mountains the park is all salt flats. It
creates a very striking and blinding landscape to drive through.

Guadalupe Mountains rising thousands of feet above
the salt flats. And yes, I'm photographing while driving.
Kids, don't try this at home.

Almost there! This is my favorite part of the drive... You
get the best view of El Capitan rising straight to the sky
over on the left.

I've never been to this campground and was delighted to find a great little walk-in tent section. The only thing I hate about camping in national parks is noisy families and slamming car doors.... This had none of that. I picked the only tent spot left, way in the back (read: quiet).

View from my tent....

more glorious view... not a person in sight!

The only thing wrong with this spot was the lack of any type of shade. It was late afternoon and the desert heat was getting up there. Luckily, being the outdoorsy chick that I am, I was prepared. I grabbed Lennox's blanket out of my car, spread it down in front of the tent and spent the afternoon reading in the little shade that the tent provided. (I also listened to some Keith and the Girl.... I guess you can take the girl to the wilderness but you can't take her away from Keith and the Girl!)

View from the other side of my campsite

As I lay outdoors, and stared at the bluest possible sky, watching fluffy white clouds drift by, I could feel my stress dissappating. This is what this weekend was all about... no trail warrior, no crazy adventure, just relaxing in nature and chilling the fuck out. Check!

And by "chilling" I mean escaping the dreaded 100s and 90s
of El Paso. Thank you 88!

As I lay in my tent that first night, I stared up at the brilliant night sky. I was eager to see my old friend, the Milky Way. Haven't seen her in a year or so. She comes out late so for the time being I settled for the rest of the universe. Saggitarius, Arcturus, and 3 shooting stars could be seen from my pillow. Just as the Milky Way was making her appearance, a storm moved in and I had to close up my rain fly. Lots of thunder and lightning, followed by a small bit of actual rain. I spent the rest of the night listening to the wind howl while covering my head from being pelted by my flapping tent. Not a restful night...

The next morning, after waking at 6am for a quick trip to the bathroom, moving campsites (shade!) and coffee-brewing, I fell back asleep until 9am. Its vacation and I can sleep as late as I want. As I napped, it rained again. There is nothing quite as soothing as napping in a tent while it rains. I highly recommend it.

After waking the second time, I stopped by the visitor center to say hi to the awesome rangers there and then hit the trail. I choose an easy 5-mile loop.

Perfect.... blue sky and an open trail stretching out
before me.

The halfway point for the trail was an old ranch, Frijole Ranch, and was a superb stop. A spring brings water running through the yard, which is full of huge shade-bringing trees. The water, the breeze, and the trees created an intoxicating cool spot that I had to go lay in for a long while...

My view...

Frijole Ranch house... Sometimes open to the public, but
not today.

Leaving the cool shade behind, I headed back out into the desert. The trail wound across arroyos and then up to the foot of the mountain. There wasn't another human in sight. I wasn't alone though. Two redtail hawks hung out with me for an hour or so. They were probably hunting but they were having fun in the breeze and every so often one would call out to another. Remember the opening credits for Northern Exposure... that awesome bird screech was a redtail. It is easily my favorite sound in the wilderness. (Young people, Northern Exposure was an awesome 90s show, featuring such lovely scenery as wild Alaska, and a wilder young John Corbett. Google it!)

One of the red-tails flying overhead...

Texas madrones stand out along the trail.

The last hour or so of my hike was a hurried one, as two amazing thunderstorms were converging overhead. Not only was I one of the taller things on the trail and therefore a lightning hazard (I have a history with lightning.....), but I really didn't want to get caught out in the rain. I made it back to my tent just in time!

Just missed me!

I spent the rest of the afternoon reading in my tent and then laying on the table, watching the storms hover over the valley, dumping tons of much needed water onto the desert.

Hooray for shade, and for the rain, that made my
afternoon fantastic

That evening, after a sketchy camp dinner that expired in 2008, I met up with a very cool ranger who took me hiking to a super-secret place. I got to see some amazing rock art (rock art is my passion and this ranger knew just where to take me. Most rock art sites are super-secret because too many dumbasses try to deface them.) We hiked out to a great view, and watched the clouds, light, and landscape create some amazingly beautiful scenery, we headed back for a late dinner, great conversation, great tunes, and possibly a bit too much wine. ( Ya'll know me, I'm a cheap date. I kinda tripped my way back to my campsite...) That night, with red wine running through my veins, I yanked the rain fly off and just stared up at the night sky for one last evening. I fell into a deep sleep with the whole galaxy just overhead.

Perfect.

How to Execute a "Controlled-Slick Rock Slide"

*Disclaimer - any bitching or complaining that may occur below is real, however I wouldn't trade this experience for the world!

As all good stories should start, this one begins with an invitation to a secret waterfall location. Now I'm a pretty competent hiker and I knew that going hiking with H would most likely test my abilities.... I had no idea.

This secret waterfall location was so super-secret that the waterfall itself was secret, and our quest (the TOP of said secret waterfall) was a secret upon a secret. (How many times can I use secret in one sentence... has it lost its meaning for you too?)

Most awesome secret waterfall spot... If Backpacker mag
hasn't found it yet, I'm sure it'll happen soon. Our mission
was to get to the top!

Of course I jumped at the chance to go on a super-secret location hike! H said that it'd be a few miles, maybe 6 or 7, and we'd be walking in water all the way there so I'd need river shoes. I actually had to BORROW Chaco sandals. (I can't believe there was a time when I didn't own a pair of Chacos.) Thanks to D, I had a pair of river sandals for the day that were super-comfy and would begin my lifelong love affair with Chacos.

Early in the morning, H and I packed up the car and headed over the mountain to a turn-off marked only by a "weirdly-shaped white splotched rock" which we actually drove by a few times before H saw it.

Super. Super. Secret.

From there we hiked a mile or so up the winding highway before leaving the blacktop and heading down, down, down into a canyon.

We pretty quickly reached the river that would be our guide for the next few hours. It was cool and inviting in the desert summer heat. Even with my walking stick, I slipped a few times on mossy rocks and uneven river bottoms. One time, I slipped on a moss-covered rock, fell on my ass and then slid down the long rock slide to a pool below... not on purpose. My yelp as I fell, and the accompanying scream of glee as I slid, startled H and he came rushing back to help me. I burst out laughing as I hit the pool, which seemed to calm H down.

The next few miles (hours) were serene. Cool breezes raced through the red-rocked canyon, carrying wildflower scents and bird trills along the river corridor. The cool ever-present water kept me refreshed as we walked beneath large cottonwoods. At some point, the water and a sandal strap conspired against me and rubbed my big toe raw. Digging through my daypack for a makeshift bandage (band-aids won't work in the water!) I found an emergency tampon with a plastic wrapper. I figured that would work! The next few miles were hiked with a yellow and white tampon wrapper knotted around my big toe, foiling the sandal's attempt at ruining my hike.

H and I engaged in that halting, stream-of-consciousness style conversation that is common amongst hiking companions. I learned a lot about him, and he about me. All in all, this was shaping up to be a fantastically lovely day.

As we were hiking, the rock strata around us was changing. We began to enter into the white Navajo layer (my favorite geological layer) that would later be the key to the Controlled Slick Rock Slide. The canyon walls began to fall away, widening out as the river grew narrower, deeper, and faster. We were nearing the top of the most awesome secret waterfall. Luckily the top of this tall fall was surrounded by rocks and there was little worry about being washed over the edge. There was however a great chance of getting stuck in large human-sized potholes. How do I know this?....

Look below! Seems like some hikers found the secret waterfall...

In order to see over the edge of the fall and get this shot, I had to cross some very large and deep potholes. Going down to get to this shot was easy, coming back I got stuck. Picture me boob-deep in a water-filled pothole that's lined with slick moss that ensures I'll never climb out.

H held on to my camera and daypack as I spent a half hour or so trying in vain to get the hell outta the hole. I tried climbing; I tried chimneying; I tried climbing onto H as he held onto some rocks for support. Nothing. Finally, using a combination of chimneying, jumping, grasping for H, and general anxiety-ridden strength, I got out. I was tired and ready for a serene walk back up the water to the car.

But no! H said the quickest way back was to climb straight up the side of the sloping Navajo sandstone. The car was straight above us "only 1,500 feet up or so". (true story) As I gazed straight up the side of this sandstone wall, calculating the slope versus my borrowed sandals ability to cling to slickrock, I began to rationalize a 6 mile walk back in the river in the dark. Most of the slope was slick and straight up. We'd have to literally run up it to maintain enough speed and traction. All in all, this was not looking good. Luckily, there were some ridges that were a few inches wide to rest on higher up. If only I could reach them...

H took off running up the side of the canyon, leaving me to follow along. A few hundred feet up, I slowed down just enough to lose my footing and start sliding back. My first instinct was to lay flat out against the rock, like a lizard. This only worked to slow down the slide, not stop it.

So there I am, laying flat against hot white sandstone, solid ground a few hundred feet below, sliding (falling) uncontrollably. I looked up the wall, screaming for H as my fingers frantically scrambled for anything to grab. Even a quarter inch of protruding rock would have been welcomed. Nothing...

H comes running (falling) down the rock wall to me, grabbing my hands to stop me from gaining speed. As he grabs my hands, I realize all of this sliding down super-rough sandstone has pulled the front of my rapidly disappearing t-shirt up, up, up around my neck. I stopped sliding just as my bra began to go with the shirt! Once I quit moving and caught my breath, I began laughing at the absurdity of my situation.... abrasions on my stomach, bra and t-shirt dangerously up around my neck, my supervisor holding my arms in an attempt to keep me from plummeting into a canyon. This shit could only happen in Utah, and possibly only to me.

After I decided to sidestep my way to a less-steep section, clinging desperately to the wall, I was on my way up again. Some running, some climbing, sweating constantly. 1,000 feet in elevation later, I met up with H and stopped for a snack, surveying the trek below. H took a photo of me to commemorate my first lesson in "controlled slickrock sliding".

You can't see the abrasions on the right side of my face but trust me, they're
there! Check out the green trees down in the canyon. Only a few hours earlier
they were offering us shade.

Only a few more feet to go and we'd be on the highway. This part was also extremely steep and had us literally clinging to plants to pull ourselves up. Of course, H was ahead of me. I watched as he reached his hand up to the lip of the highway to grab ahold and hoist himself out of this canyon. Just as his hand hit the tarmac, right on the yellow line, a car flew by. I'm surprised they didn't wreck! Imagine driving on a road cut at the top of a ridge, thousands of feet drop away just inches from your tire, and seeing a dirty hand come up out of nowhere! Zombies!!

We did manage to get out of the canyon and onto the road, after looking both ways. The rest of our hike was back along the highway a half mile to the car. I decided if H could teach me a new trick, I'd teach him one too. He learned to finger-twirl my hiking stick like a baton as we walked back to the car. That night I surveyed the damage... abrasions on my stomach, knees, ankles, toes, elbows, face, forearms and fingers, and a sunburn. I washed the blood off the borrowed sandals and threw away my shirt due to the holes rubbed into it. Spoils of a great adventure.

It was a fantastic and terrifying adventure, but we set out to get to the top of the waterfall and we did (without loss of life or limb), so it was a success!

A year later I was driving along the road with my parents, who had heard
the saga, and thought they'd like to see where this all took place. Right
where my finger is lies the slope we came up...